The Burnt Food Cafe

At the Burnt Food Cafe, the toast is always extra crispy, usually with a light black look to it.  As a matter of fact, all the bread at the cafe has that look to it, and makes a great "crunch" sound when you bite into it. When you order steak, it is cooked "Pittsburgh Style" - charred on the outside, deliciously medium on the inside. The mushrooms served on the side are chewy and have not a hint of moisture in them.  The eggs are scrambled dry, unless you order fried, then the edges are amazingly crunchy. And the french fries! Oh, they are divine! So brown and crispy they almost snap when you bite into them! At the Burnt Food Cafe, there are always "crispies" - fries that are small and extra crunchy that hide in the bottom of your burger basket, and are expected and sought after by the Burnt Food Aficionado. The fried okra is never slimy and greasy!  Of course, the burgers are well done, too, with great toasted buns. If you order the cheeseburger, or a grilled cheese, then the cheese has oozed down the side and fried itself into divine crackles you can pick off and eat.  One never worries about their fried chicken, as it arrives at the table the most beautiful shade of deep, deep gold.The cornbread is cooked with bacon fat, and has the most amazingly decadent crust....

The best item on the menu, though, is the bacon! Ahhh, burnt bacon!! A pigs' best gift to those who enjoy the food at the Burnt Food Cafe. So crackling, so crunchy!! Heaven in the mouth, I tell you!!

Of course, the vegetables are NEVER burned there. Just the salad croutons. Oh, and, if you order the grilled asparagus, it has that great burnty grill flavor....


One does not worry about carcinogens at the Cafe. Carcinogens just simply don't exist there. It's against the Rules. So one eats up without any fear of cancer, just an intense joy for the Love of Burnt Food.

Where is this mecca? This mouthgasm for the Burnt Food Foodie?

Well, nowhere on Earth that I know of. But it does exist in my mind, and if Mr. Man and  I keep on ordering my fries extra crispy, and they keep coming all soggy and sad , and the meat is still moo-ing when it comes to the table, well, I may just have to open that Cafe someday.

Namaste, y'all!!

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Burnt Food Cafe Burnt Bacon

it really is an art, I tell you. But a simple one.

The secret behind burnt bacon is this: you don't fry it fast till it's black and awful. You put your bacon in an iron skillet and cook it very low and slow. You turn it fairly frequently, blessing the pig that gave it's life for this gourmet treat, and you just let it cooooook. It usually takes me about 30 minutes to cook all the fat out,but it creates bacon that is perfectly brown, crispy, crunchy and deeeelicious.

Simple perfection!